Thursday, September 16, 2010

Only so much I can take...

There's only so much a girl can take, honestly, this is a fact. So far since this grand idea to leave me with three kids, a dad, and a house to take care of I've been taking a turn for the worst. My natural knack for drama has only reached it's peak, my personal image has crashed and burned, my self-esteem has taken a beating, and my resolve to be the best fake mom ever has strengthened.
So, this song (Everything Falls) has become my song of the day and soon may become my go-to song for when I want to scream and jump off of a rooftop (I did tell you the thing about only becoming more dramatic, right?)
So I'm going to give you a few examples of the above problems that I'm having.
The other day I burst into tears because my dad told me to calm down, I also called him yesterday and declared it to be the worst day of my life-I've been saying that waaaay more lately than I'd like. I updated my facebook status saying "My life is a perfect graveyard of buried hopes" which is a quote from Anne of Green Gables (movie.)
Personal Image
I walked around the house with the same hairstyle for a week, and only changed headbands to make it look as if I did it. Yesterday I spilled black beans everywhere (including on my shirt) and went to midweek church service just like that. I really felt everyone should have been grateful that at least I took the beans off and only had mud-like smudges on my pink and white striped shirt. To give it uniformity I was going to smudge all over the shirt, but I didn't have time--TRUE STORY! Since in "normal life" I can never find my shoes, and definitely in crazy life I can't find them I've been wearing the same sandals every day for over a week except for Sunday.
While logically I know that I should be proud of myself, I see sooo many problems with everything I do. It puts me on the defense a lot. My dad joked this morning that my mom stayed up (after waking up at 4:50 AM) until he leaves out the door (at 5:20 AM.) I was so sleepy that the only retort I could come up with was "better go find the mommyloo then!" and a kiss on the cheek. Sorry dad. After I finally washed and restyled my hair yesterday someone at church KEPT saying (they think I'm hard of hearing too?!) that I must've stuck my finger in an electric socket. I was not amused, but I was resigned. The girls haven't once said "Momma doesn't..." or mentioned her in that way, so I'm grateful, but there have definitely been other such statements, all of which sting. To make matters worse, someone told me yesterday I should grow a backbone and tell everyone I refuse to do this any longer. I think that being that way would come back and bite me later when there's something really really want to do (like my mom wants to be with her firstborn when she has her first child.)
The house may look more lived-in that it has in quite awhile, but it won't be for lack of trying, or for lack of calling out orders lol.

So I repeat (or retype) there is only so much a girl can take before she starts fasting and praying that her sister hurries and goes into labor so she can have her life back. I know, how selfish, but the selfishness has been saved as the topic for another post.

Elisabeth Arona


  1. ELIZZY!!!! LOL

    I am serious about this - I think that you should write a somewhat short story about all of this and send it to Women'sWorld magazine! You are an extremely talented and humorous writer.

    Now on another note - I am not gonna tell you to suck it up cause I am feeling tremendous compassion for you right now. Just wondering why dear daddy can't make his own breakfast?
    Or why your sister can't help you out?
    Believe me, not trying to instigate but just know that you have a supporter in me.
    Love You, my dear Elizzy!

  2. Oh brought me to tears with compassion for you and then I also laughed so many times...You are a fabulous writer. I wish I could do this.
    You reminded me so much of myself when I was 13 years of age and I had to raise my lil sister who was just born, while Mom had to work.
    (sigh) so hard on a girl to try to grow up herself to have those responsibilities.
    I ampraying for ya, girl...GOD is glad you do know that one...
    (((( hugs )))) Monika

  3. Been there, sweetie. Still feel like I'm there once or twice a day.

    When we are climbing up a hill, we notice the stumbling and rocks under our feet and forget that even in the tripping and falling, we are still making progress and ascending. Keep climbing! ♥

  4. Suki, I'll think about it...I know they've seen much more experienced writers and won't be impressed lol. Dad really misses my mom, and she cooked him breakfast so I'm trying to keep everything as close to "normal" as possible.
    Monika, I've always found that for me, my best way of coping with anything is to write or talk about it (or both) and make jokes...sometimes if ya aren't laughing you're crying.
    Shannon (think that's you), thank you! It's good to know that it's not because I'm so bad at it that I feel overwhelmed lol

  5. Lizzie, you're gonna make it. All those things that are being tested in you is God just seeing if you're
    done" like a baker when he bakes a cake will stick a toothpick in to make sure the cake is not raw inside. When God considers you "done" to His liking, you'll have passed the test (which I predict - you will)

  6. Samgram...I just found out it might be two or three more WEEK! Thanks for the encouragement, but I am a little less confident than you :-/

  7. Lizzie, no wonder I haven't heard from you in a while!! If I was closer I would come help with anything I could. Specially the cooking, I think it would serve me as much needed practice.

    See it as preparing to be a wife and mom of 10 kids lol

    There's a 17yrs old girl at my church who one time said she "grew up" when she was 12 and her mom, pregnant whith her 6th child had a horrible accident. She had to stay home with her brothers and sisters taking care of everything. They're all homeschooled, so just imagine.

    I don't know if it will help but this sounds like a wonderful learning experience even if you can't see it right this moment.

    I got married not being taught how to truly take care of home, so I would have really appreaciate a few (not too many lol just enough to learn) learning experiences such as yours.

    Hang in there! Your mom will come back soon. You cannot compete with someone who has had so many years of experience so just try your best without killing yourself. Deal? Deal lol

    Please write if you even want to let anything out, I know how it can get sometimes!

    * I think this comment is longer than your post, sorry*

  8. Lina :-) Good to hear from you. Thanks...I emailed you!

  9. Oh boy, it sounds like pure mayhem over there---and I hear ya! I have days where I lose my mind...

    I'll tell ya though, this was HILARIOUSLY written. I love it! You are a goofball!


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