The feeling is back. That sad mopey feeling...but for now it is identified as a mixture between missing the way our thanksgiving normally goes (my favorite holiday was okay, but nothing near the usual euphoric feelings on that day) the miserable black Friday, and expectations. Let me clarify.
THANKSGIVING for the last four years has been spent two states over with my sister (and before she was married, it was just with her fiancée and his family.) Generally there is a flurry of activity, every one of my sisters-and I-have a dish to make, and after it's all done then somehow my sister's brother-in-laws (all four of them) manage to show up and eat. Sometimes even a couple of our friends will come too, and after we eat we play cards or monopoly or talk and laugh, and make general noise. :-) This year for several reasons that didn't happen. My sister Sarah is in college, and my sister, brother-in-law, and their new baby are at home two states over, while the rest of us stayed here in Georgia. I started off the morning by calling my younger sister-aka partner in crime-and then went downstairs to help my mom in the kitchen. It's about time we got the two youngest involved so we put them to work chopping onions and stirring things and washing dishes. We had a good time. The dressing and macaroni (neither are my normal dishes) we quite the hit, and my apple cobbler was tasty too. Long story short: After dinner I went over a close friend's house and hung out with her and her family, then went to pick up my cousin from the airport and drop her off at our grandmother's house...Cue beginning of Black Friday.
BLACK FRIDAY. Technically it wasn't even Black Friday, but my mom had a vacuum cleaner at Walmart that she had her heart set on. Julia (other sister) and I arrive around 11:15 and I went to wait for the plastic to be torn off of the vacuum cleaners. I was tired...had run around the kitchen too long...my cell phone battery was dead so no communication with the inner circle so to speak...We didn't leave there until 1:20! I made myself a plate, checked in with my friends, and was ready for bed by 2:30.
I woke up at 5 AM to meet my friend at Michaels. I took my sister. Due to some strange miscommunication, we ended up in the same car although we had discussed that I didn't want to go to Target and she did...when we finished at Michaels I told her to go ahead to Target and I'd ride to my friend's house with my friend, and she (my sister) could pick me up as soon as she was done shopping.. Five hours later my dad was picking me up at my friends house because my sister drove home (five hours before) without picking me up. I will admit that I did have a few violent thoughts, but they will not be acted on because Christ lives in me. Lol as my sisters and I like to quote from Madea "Jesus just saved her life."
Ironically, while I was tired to the point of tears people kept telling me "calm down". I was not screaming. I didn't raise my voice. I simply vocalized in my confusion and frustration with the events surrounding my being left somewhere other than my home when I started out driving. Pardon me.
EXPECTATIONS are funny things. If you expect too much from others you get disappointed. If you expect too much from yourself it can cause a plethora of problems. If other expect too much of you and vocalize them constantly it can cause frustration, irritation, sadness etc. I don't have a happy medium. I try to give others what I would expect from an average person that loves me--or even likes me a little-but when I give and give and then only hear negative feedback it feels pointless. I will admit that although I won't go into who said it, or why it matters, or any of that nonsense, I will say that the things someone assumed about me today were inaccurate. It discouraged me. Yes, I will get over it, and yes, I am still thankful for the many blessings that are too innumerable for me to even name, but once in awhile in spite of all the wonderful things going on it's still possible to be just a little...human.
And I miss the rest of my family.